Shameful Listing of Things

We here at Two Thumbs Sideways don't necessarily approve of shameful listmaking. Sometimes, making a list of favorite films or books or rollercoasters is as opprobrious as allowing a pack of peasants and griffins to defeat your half dozen azure dragons.* Other times it is only about as shameful as letting ancient BEE-moths defeat your azure dragons.**

Hopefully, this post will be closer to the latter, although why Two Thumbs Sideways is letting any azure dragons die, we aren't sure. Might be the lack of sleep. Might be the laziness. But it's definitely not because we couldn't think of anything better to do this week. Definitely Not.***

Still, it could be worse. Most of the time, lists are the last gasp of a failing venture, the most famous example of which is the time when "The Best Damn Sports Show Period" was flailing as far as ratings, and so they began to count down lists of fifty things for no apparent reason at all. Clearly, their show was not aptly named.

No, our reason for making a list is much more reasonable. First off, our ratings are definitely not flailing. (Thrashing, maybe. Screaming, perhaps. Making a general nuisance of themselves, but not flailing.) Second, this is not our last swan song a la Socrates before we go off the air. And finally, most importantly, our lists are better than other lists. Why, you ask? Silly question. There is no why.****

So without further ado, a quick list of an arbitrary number that will probably end with neither a zero nor a five.


Movies with Left Thumb Approved Soundtracks, Right Thumb approved Screenplays, and Two Thumbs Approved Visuals which would be enjoyable to watch whilst riding a rollercoaster.

2001: A Space Odyssey. Like you didn't know this one was coming. Perfection deserves its place on every list.

Vertigo. Right Thumb hates Hitchcock and finds Jimmy Stewart overrated. Yet, as a recent Counting Things revealed, Vertigo was one of only seven films to conclude with Right Thumb experiencing an adrenaline induced hysteria that was so euphoric it nearly led to many unspeakable disasters. Left Thumb does not hate Hitchcock nor does he find Jimmy Stewart overrated, so clearly, he liked it. And seriously, could any movie be better to watch whilst on a rollercoaster than one that has "Vertigo" right there in the title? We think not.

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. This particular entry into the Star Wars saga has the odd distinction of being the only John Williams score Left Thumb has ever truly enjoyed. He has tolerated other John Williams scores. But this is the only one that doesn't cause a highly amusing twitch in his face as he listens.

This is Spinal Tap: The soundtrack is clearly brilliant, what with Spinal Tap's classic riffs and soul searching lyrics with such depth you could drown in them ("Sex Farm", in particular, could have philosophers arguing for decades). And the screenplay... well, there is technically no "screenplay" for a documentary but we think you would agree the dialogue is more Oscar-worthy than most of the scripts people are paid to write. And if you don't agree... well, you clearly don't know how to count to eleven.

The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. Hah! Joke. We just wanted to see if you were paying attention.

Citizen Kane. We don't know about you, but riding rollercoasters while watching Citizen Kane just makes perfect sense. He loved his sled a lot, after all, and what is a sled but an attempt at a rollercoaster on a low budget in a cold climate? Indeed, for those of you interested in thrill ride history and/or the culture of Russia (Left Thumb happens to be quite fascinated by both of these), it is worth noting that the great-granddaddies of rollercoasters were in fact ice slides in the snowy hills of Siberia. The idea quickly disseminated throughout the world, faster than anything else Russia ever produced. (Admittedly, communism gave it a run for its money.)

Battlestar Galactica. Yes, we know it isn't a movie. Doesn't matter. If it is a list that involves the "best" anything, Galactica will be on it or the list shall be declared void.

Barry Lyndon. We talk about this one a lot. It's partly due to its jaw-dropping beauty and soul-staggering direction, but it's also because hardly anyone else ever mentions it. (Except Scorsese, and he doesn't count. Why he doesn't count, Right Thumb isn't sure, but Left Thumb assures him that he most certainly does not.) Besides, the soundtrack is golden. Left Thumb is always partial to Kubrick's choices, but that's because Kubrick is so reliable: more often than not, he smartly decided to bypass the treacherous world of film-composer Philistines and use Real Music instead. Meaning the kind of music that isn't a) composed by John Williams, or b) strangely similar to something composed by John Williams. (Which, in turn, is strangely similar to the Real Music he routinely rips off.)

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. Captain Kirk. Time travel. Whale song. What more needs to be said? (Well, a little more needs to be said. This movie perfectly fits our final criterion: it's rollercoaster fare. Particularly Star Trek-themed rollercoaster fare. Oh wait, Paramount sold out and there no longer is a Star Trek-themed rollercoaster in existence, and all of this before a certain pair of digits ever happened to visit this particular attraction. Excuse us while we loudly ululate.)

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Right Thumb: Haha, another joke. Left Thumb and I just -

Editors note: What follows was violent and clearly beyond the level of vulgarity that Two Thumbs Sideways allows to be published. Left Thumb did not appreciate this entry, even as a joke, and proceeded to commit unspeakable acts focused in Right Thumb's direction. Right Thumb pleaded that it was obviously a joke, as the script and acting and visuals of the offending film were all terrible, but Left Thumb was not appeased. Something about "worst soundtrack ever composed, if we even want to use that term" and "bashing my own head in with a gold brick" followed something that sounded like @#$#@$%!

~Two Thumbs Sideways~

* This might be a physical impossibility.

** This is barely shameful at all.

*** It might have been.

**** Strangely enough, while almost everyone is aware of Yoda's maxim that "There is no try," almost everyone forgets he also stated that "There is no why."