Admirable Self-Restraint

See, I could have made use of a famous line from a corny song from Van Halen as my topic heading. But I didn't. So props to me for possessing so much self-control.

Props to me for another reason as well: here I am, in the Old Country, still bringing bloggy goodness to my faithful readers. And where is Left Thumb? I'll tell you where he is. He's on the computer. Right now. (No really, he is. He knows it, too, because he is reading this). And yet when was the last time we heard so much as a peep from Left Thumb?

January. It has been almost a half a year. Soon enough this blog will have to be renamed One Thumb Sideways. That will be dissapointing.

Since his last post, I have found myself in Europe. Doing some recon work for a secret organization, in fact. So secret, I haven't even found them yet. Think about that.

And with half of my reconaissance done, I report: The U.S. owns Europe like a sack of potatoes. (Not literally, of course. Literally, China owns both the U.S. and Europe. But that is besides the point).

What is the point? The point is that whatever adventurous, entreprenurial spirit that once existed here, that formed the Dutch East India Company, that sent millions of men (most of whom died) on voyages into the beyond to see what was there, that crossed oceans and challenged countries to duels and didn't back down from anything...

Well, that spirit is gone. There is a reason these people didn't invent the automobile. Or the plane. Or go into space. Or get to the Moon. Or invent the computer. Or the cell phone. Or, pretty much anything.

When I first arrived, the yearnings of many-a-Canadian to re-attain the lifestyle they wish they had never given up made some sense. The evenhandedness, the calmness, the prettiness... all very charming and you could see yourself lying in a hammock, reading a book by Spinoza or Sartre for the rest of your life.

And then about one week in, something funny happened. I woke up. I had fallen asleep. Not a bad thing, mind you. We need to sleep, spiritually, mentally, physically, grammatically, and so forth. But after about a week of charming prettiness, I wanted adventure and beauty and struggle--or at least something beyond the purely quiescent facade that Europe portrays. (By the way, I refrain from calling Amsterdam beautiful because it isn't. It is possibly the prettiest thing I have ever seen.)

Once upon a time these people did amazing things. Now, they seem to go out of their way not to. Americans might not be able to agree on anything, but at least we do stuff (and believe me, we do stupid things. Stupid, stupid things. But it is better to fail catastrophically one day and do something great the next than to never do anything at all). While we engaged on the greatest journey man has ever journeyed, what were Europeans doing? Yeah, I don't know either. They were probably just watching us ride missiles to the Moon. I would.

But perhaps the most amazing thing about this revelation is how easily it came. I haven't exactly spoken to every Amsterdammer. You can just tell. I am almost getting the sense that the French aren't so much unique as that they are extreme. They surrender no matter what. But other Europeans seem to have lied down in front of the rails of time, if not invaders. They don't seem too worried about being human. They set out to erase any differences among humans while people in Russia, the U.S. (and more recently, China) have been attempting to be humans. Maybe the Russians failed to get to the Moon (losers!) but at least they tried. The rest of Europe sat there like the fat white cat from SPECTRE, comfortably ensconced in a position of safety as they let real adventurers do all their work for them.

I wonder if the British are the same way. They are Europeans but they sailed the seas triumphantly, they helped win WWII, they have James Bond... Perhaps the English Channel was a sufficient buffer to keep the tendrils of European self-contentedness at bay. I suppose I'll have to go there to find out.

And I bet you Left Thumb still won't have written a post by the time I get there, either.

~Right Thumb~