Robber and Robbed: Rubber Ducky Derivatives

I woke up today in a cold sweat, enraged by all the robbers and sympathizing with all those robbed by such nefarious pilferers.

Okay, not actually. But I do occasionally fly into fits of rage when someone mentions certain things to me, like, say Oliver! Not that there is anything particularly wrong with Oliver! (Well, actually, there is, but nothing that would induce my waking up in cold sweats, even fictionally.) It just happens to be a greater thief than Thomas Edison (who will have his own post soon enough, the dastardly punk).

But I'm not going to talk about that at any great length today. Frankly, encapsulating the sheer outrage (some might even say diabolical plot) that surrounds Oliver! winning the 1968 Academy Award for Best Picture would take the aid of Left Thumb. Not because I, Right Thumb, could not list the multifarious and multitudinous facets of this atrocity. No, Left Thumb and I are perfectly capable of doing that on our own. But neither of us could handle the psychological damage without the comfort of another human being who understands. So the Greatest Movie Atrocity of All Time will have to wait for a day when the Thumbs are united. Today the quarry is not quite so unspeakable.

Robber: Sir Isaac Newton
Robbed: Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz

I'm sure you have heard of Sir Isaac Newton. Everyone has, thanks to his legendary, likely apocryphal incident with that apple. But if you aren't 1) a math major/minor (or have taken calculus in the past five years) or 2) in some way related to Right Thumb, odds are you have not heard of Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz, despite the fact that he invented calculus.

Oh sure, Newton did too. "Independently" they claim, although Newton probably surreptitiously leafed through Leibniz's work on at least one occasion. But even if they did invent it independently, it doesn't matter. Newton's calculus is abominable. Leibniz's calculus is smoother than I Can't Believe It's Not Butter (heck, it's smoother than Fabio's hair).

What makes this particular theft so hideous? Because this is like the King of the land—who has a billion rubber duckies in his bathtub—stealing the only rubber ducky of some poor soul who loved that rubber ducky far more than the King ever will.* Only in this case, the rubber duckies are scientific and mathematical discoveries, the King is Newton, and the rubber ducky he stole from Leibniz is calculus.

Newton was pretty much guaranteed fame. He figured out, you know, gravity, thermodynamics, classical physics and a few other somewhat important things. He didn't need the credit for calculus. Not to mention his bloody f '(x) notation is horrifically difficult to use compared to Leibniz's dy/dx. That isn't even the point. Leibniz had this one rubber ducky. Let him keep it, you jealous, greedy curmudgeon.

~Right Thumb~

* If you have never watched Veggietales or read the Bible, I suppose this analogy doesn't make much sense.